So I’m at a major crossroads in my life right now.  Two major factors in my life are at stake: My job and my relationship.  At this point and time I cannot go into detail about my job pending legal reasons but the outcome of it should be known in the next 24 hours. My feelings towards my job are weighing more towards a negative side.

Since I started this blog I’ve been praying for clarity about how I view my life.  Seeing my thoughts in print help me put them more into a dimensional focus that I can analyze better. If you are going through a troubling time and want to make a decision on what course of action you should take, I highly recommend writing them down in some kind of format so that you may read them.  The format is up to you.

<sidetrack> You can blog it like I’m doing here. Whether you choose to let other people read it is up to you.  You can blog your thoughts and turn your blog to not receive comments on them if you don’t wish outside influences from it.  I’m actually looking for outside thoughts as I think it’s a way for the universe to communicate a message that you may not be picking up on through meditation and prayer.

You can get a diary and write your thoughts in there. This can either be a paper type diary or there are free apps out there that you may use a digital or online format if you’re like me and typing is easier than writing.  My mind works so fast that my hand can’t keep up with the thoughts coming from my mind so typing them is much easier.  I can’t read my own handwriting most of the time if I’m trying to write down thoughts or messages from the universe.  (I”m going to make a post that addresses messages from the universe as I’ve not found a label I’m comfortable with using keeping in mind that there are multiple walks of life I’m addressing through my blog that will perceive messages different. Some may consider it an outside message,others may think it as just an inward thought )

You may also try the social media approach with your situation and use Facebook, twitter, instagram etc.  I try not to use those sights for my thoughts for a couple of reasons. 1) I feel those are like talking in a public place like a mall or movie theater.  You tend to get more negative feedback as people may not want their message boards jammed with your thoughts and opinions and will comment negative to them.  So I choose to put my thoughts in a place so if people are interested on what I have to say, they have to come to me to hear it.  There they can comment all they want (positive or negative) and I’m not jamming the message boards. I have a pet peeve about people talking on cell phones in places where others gather to watch TV, movies or hear others speak.  I consider it extremely rude, inconsiderate and obnoxious.

<topic> I’ve mentioned I drive trucks cross country for a living right now and it’s not fulfilling my purpose in life but is more of a means to an end at this point. Please note that even though my heart and soul aren’t into the job I still perform it at the best of my abilities and have pride in my workmanship. As long as I’m a driver I want to not only do it, but do it well. I’d like to believe that if you’re going to do a job you put your best into it.  I don’t like half assing something and putting crap out there, I’d like to know that I did my best. My career of choice is being a writer/author. Unfortunately this is not a career in which you apply and start doing and immediately start making money. It takes time to get your words out into the world, gather an audience and go through trial and error until you can start earning a living doing it. If you’re reading this in present time then you’re with me at the beginning of my journey. 2015 is basically the birth of my writing career.

I mentioned my relationship as well.  Basically if I choose to lose my job it will put an absolute financial burden on the relationship that will most likely end it unless I find a way to produce enough income that allows us to make the house payments and put food on the table for the kids.  I live in Florida and the wages down there are pretty darn low.  And I don’t have enough vocational education to have a high paying job that would allow me to support 4 people. My spouse lost her job of over 20 years and is in the process of advancing her education through an online school so that she may start her career of graphic design as either a business owner or working for a private company. My feelings of stress over having my job in which I’m gone 3 weeks at a time and only home for 3 days is not sitting well with her and because she’s afraid of what I’m going to do, isn’t much support to me right now. It’s a viscous circle we’re both in. She has the stress of carrying on the house and our two kids while making next to nothing and depending on me to be the bread winner. Couple that with the stress I have of being gone for weeks at a time and trying to maintain a relationship with my kids by cell phone and the stress of the driving itself and not having the intimacy of a loving relationship by being with her every day, then you can see the stress put on our relationship.

Now you can see the crossroads I’m at. I’m standing at the precipice of a major life decision (or two) and looking for the universe to help guide me make the right decisions and most importantly, maintain a positive outlook and not get defeated by the stress of what’s going on around me.  So much bad karma surrounding me right now.  It only make sense to try and put out positive energy and feelings into the universe and hope they are reciprocated back with wisdom and courage for which I’m praying for every day.