Have ten months gone by since I posted in this blog? Evidently yes it has. My intention when I started this blog was to sort of journal my transition from being someone that has bad karma and negative emotions fuel my life to someone that made a change and started looking at the world through rose colored glasses and have happy positive thoughts. That hasn’t worked out too well. I’ve come to the realization that  I’ll never be what my wife is. I greatly admire her ability to look at the glass half full all the time. I have come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be like that.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not just the “glass half empty” type personality either. I look at the glass and say: “Who the fuck drank my water and left me with a half empty back wash glass?”

So from here on out I’m going to change things up a bit. I’m most likely going to change the name of this blog at some point. At this point I’m not even sure what I’m going to call it or where I’m even going with it.

This change started just a short time ago with a conversation I had with an online friend of mine. She is the creator of a Facebook group called “Indigo Awakening.” That group is aimed at people that have recently or have had a long term with their higher consciousness. It’s been so long since I kept up with this blog I may or may not have mentioned the term “Indigo” but in case I didn’t you can read a quick synopsis of it in this piece from The Elephant Journal. I’m not an active reader of that site, I just did a quick google search for “indigo consciousness” and read through it real quick and it seemed to fit. Here is another link to a site called Indigo Life Center that lists the 25 traits all indigo’s have.

I don’t claim to be an official “Indigo” but when reading through the traits I identify with 24 of them right on target. Hey if Bruce Jenner can identify as a woman and change his name to Caitlyn wtf then by god I can identify as an indigo right?

So back to the point. I had a conversation with my friend in which she reached out to me concerned as to what is going on with me lately. I’ve been in a very dark place in the months.   I feel very disconnected with my life the way it stands now. I know I didn’t mean to come into this life as a truck driver and work away in the top 3% version of the world. I’m meant for something different. Years and years ago when I went to a very powerfully spiritual place in my old hometown of Citrus Heights, CA and when I first got into metaphysics and meditation, I got a message (so to speak) that I was to write a book. Or at least write something I guess. Either way writing is something that comes very naturally to my. I can spend many hours doing it and never get bored with it. The problem I’ve had lately is I’ve done so much research into writing and getting opinions from others on what and how to write I lost my connection to it. I basically have been trying to mold my writing into what others think is best. Well that shit doesn’t work for me.

My friend Kristine pointed this out to me. She is very in tune with herself it would seem and I trust her intuition. So I’m going to get back into writing again and change the direction up a bit to fit my current mood or path. We came to the conclusion that I should get more into something called automatic writing. If you look up the definition or look at the link I put you’ll see that it’s writing in which you channel a spirit or higher self or something. I just think of it as a way to let shit come out of my fingers on the keyboard or mind without giving it much thought. I mean it’s perfect for me. I can say whatever I want and when someone gets offended by it I can blame it on a spirit guide. Because in this day and age someone is going to take offence at something or everything you say.

I’m pretty sick and tired of having to dance around the fact that I have to be careful what I say as not to offend someone. Well I tell you what, that doesn’t fit into my mold of whom I am. I can honestly give two fucks what most people think. I value opinions and thoughts of those I care about. Society as a whole can kiss my ass. People make quite a good living as comedians saying shit that will offend alot of people.

It basically boils down to this. You will find happiness more in your life if you just do what you want to do and stop listening to what expectations random fucks have for you. In my past writings I’ve steered clear of using vulgar language so as not to offend my readers. But that is not who I am in person. I can refrain from using it in the capacity I did while I was a construction worker, but if you come to my house now, I use these colorful metaphors on a regular basis.

To borrow the lyrics of one of my all time favorite bands Tesla…

“Now here we go, on with the show
Makin’ our way, just to live for today
It’s in my sight and the time is right,
For takin’ a bow into the now.”