I haven’t added a post to this blog in a very long time. My life has been flowing pretty smoothly all things considered. I mean I’m living as good as a slave to the globalist banking corporation can possibly live, but let me not digress from the real meaning of this post.

I write this the night before I leave for the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida for a day of pre-op appointments and a kidney removal surgery the day after. I was diagnosed with at least stage 3 renal carcinoma on July 16th 2020. The tumor is 7cm or the size of a tennis ball on my left kidney. They found it by chance at the Emergency Department at Halifax Hospital in Port Orange Florida. Here’s the back story on how that came to be.

I’ve been driving shuttle trucks at my job since April of 2019. I work nights and typically will drive a 417 mile night, sometimes 485 miles a night, and one in a while a 630 mile night. Those are a bitch as I drive from Port Orange FL, to Boca Raton, FL. Drop and switch trailers, return to Port Orange, drop and switch trailers again then head to Jacksonville FL where I do another drop and hook and finally head back to Port Orange and end my night. Usually takes about 13 hours to run those “Boca/Jax” routes. But I mention them because they are the reason this tumor was even found.

The first time I noticed something wrong was in March of 2020. After a 630 mile night I returned home and upon urinating before bed, I noticed my urine was a dark red color. At first I thought this was because I took a mega dose of vitamin D as I had just had blood work the week before and found I was vitamin D deficient. So I lowered the dose of vitamin D and went forward. Then In early June 2020, after another 630 mile driving night, I got back to my distribution center and urinated in a restroom and again noticed this time bright red color in my urine. But no pain or burning. This time I attributed it to the energy drinks I usually consume on those long nights. Thinking back to the last time it happened in March. So I went about life as usual after chalking it up to that.

Then on July 16th I returned from another 630 mile driving night and was home preparing to go to sleep for the day when I tried to urinate before bed. This time something was wrong. I felt like I had to pee but nothing was coming out. I sat down to get comfortable and tried to go. Again, I felt the urge but nothing felt like it was coming out. Then I looked in the toilet and saw blood all over the bowl. I was dripping blood from my private parts and was scared shitless. I ran into the bedroom and woke up my, let’s call her wife, and we booked it to the Emergency Department. They did a CT Scan of my abdomen to look at my bladder and see if there was an obstruction or something in my bladder. Turns out, they found the tumor on my Kidney. They called it renal Carcinoma then and there.

I went to a follow up with a specialist Urologist in Daytona Beach and had an MRI done. Again, the Urologist confirmed kidney cancer and referred me to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville where there is an extremely talented Urologist Surgeon, top rated in the entire South East US.

That brings us up to speed and to the current as I type this post. I’m nervous as hell and my entire life has been different since July 16th. I’ve done alot of soul searching and thinking back on my life seeing my mortality in my face. As anyone that has been diagnosed with Cancer has. Although the doctors I had talked to had a good prognosis of removing the kidney and being cured, there is always that chance things may not go that easy. They aren’t even sure I’m at stage 3 yet as there hasn’t been a biopsy of the tumor done. That will be done with a pathology check after the surgery. The Surgeon I met with a couple days ago explained to me the procedure and the risks and that’s when things really got real for me. When I heard him say that I have a blockage in the main vein connecting the kidney to the inferior vena cava or main vein returning blood to the heart. Because they have to work so close to that vein, that gives an increased chance of bleeding to death if that vein were to be penetrated. I’d lose blood faster than they could give it to me and die on the table. And I ask you, have you ever been told that something you’re about to partake in could possibly kill you? If you have than you know the feeling. If you haven’t let me put the emotion you feel into my words. I felt like I was floating just outside my body and not completely all there. If not for my wife sitting next to me touching me I felt like I could have floated away right then and there.

Of course the risk is fairly low and I have a better chance of surviving the surgery than dyeing from it. And by removing the kidney with the tumor I am removing the cancer from my body and hopefully giving myself a few more years to annoy people. Again, I touched on this earlier, the pathology will determine whether I need further follow up treatment like radiation and chemotherapy. They are hoping I wont have the need for it and I’m hoping as well. But the unknowns of what lies ahead of me are making me want to vomit from nerves. I just dropped my kids off at their grandmothers so she can watch them while my wife is with me for a couple days at the hospital in Jacksonville. I cried on the drive home trying not to think that THAT may have been the last time I see them.

Because of the covid-19 pandemic going on right now, I won’t even be allowed visitors the 4-5 days I’m expected to be in the hospital after the surgery. This is very disheartening to me as my wife is my pillar of strength right now and not having her to lean on is extremely scary to me.  I feel like I’m being sent into battle alone.

I have my old good friend from my Army days on my mind as he just passed from Cancer in May. I hope he’s at the hospital to help guide the surgeon through the surgery as well as my mother and grandmother whom I both lost to cancer.

So, in closing, this may be the last entry into my blog forever. I never got it to what I wanted it to be when I started it years ago. I let daily life and the mainstream media and the current situation with the world and being a slave to the establishment get in the way of a dream I had to write. I guess it’s easy to succumb to that and I’m trying not to beat myself up over it. But if you happened across this blog and have read some of the things I’ve posted I sincerely thank you for the time you spent with me. I’m prepared to leave this world with not too many regrets. But I don’t “plan” on this being the last one. I still hold on to the dream of making this something I dreamt it could be.

If you’re in your 50’s please go get checked if there is anything out of the ordinary going on in your life. The life you say may be your own.

To my wife and kids. You guys are the reason I was able to go to work every night and do the best I could to keep money coming in so we could live the way we have. My biggest regret is not spending more time with you guys in my off time at home. Let this be a lesson to my son and daughters that time goes by very fast and the choices you make may seem good at the time, but will bite you on the ass on your last days if that is what you’re facing. I will carry a lifetime of love with me to the after life. I will be with you all in spirit every day you live. You’ll have the best unconditional love from me you’ve ever received in my passing. Love that didn’t have to go through a wall of anger and angst that I dealt with in my day to day life. And I ask you to please don’t ignore the signs that life is showing you right now. It’s so obvious we’ve been lied to about how we live our lives. I pray that you all can see this too and do the best you can to protect yourselves against the evil that rules this world. I love you all!

To my family. You guys are always on my mind in the years since I left you all when I moved from California to Illinois to start my new life with Dawn. I guess none of us got the gene to want to keep in touch all the time so my biggest regret is not keeping closer contact with you guys. I’ll take those last days we all spent together with Mom in hospice in her final days. The last time we were all together as a family. In such sad and unthinkable time of losing our mother, she was nothing but optimistic and only told us how “blessed” she had been in her life. She was handed a raw deal and still found it within herself to feel like she was on top of the world. That is the same love I still carry for all of you and that I bring to the afterlife with me.

To my friends. I don’t have a whole bunch of people to talk to here. I have always been a person to just keep a few friends close instead of alot of friends at at time. The introvert in me kept me from wanting to socialize and in the last years of my life, I let the state of the world get in the way of wanting to be with someone instead of locked in my house just using the phone and internet to keep some kind of contact. If I wasn’t close or didn’t talk to you alot over the last few years, it doesn’t take away how much you meant to me when you WERE a big part of my life in the past. I hold those memories dear to my heart and dreamed of them and thought about them often. I will miss you all.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. God willing I will make another shortly after surviving cancer. I’ve wanted to change my life and change my karma over the past many many years. This may be the one kick in the ass I needed to follow my dream instead of “thinking” about it. This won’t be the last you’ll hear from me………

Love/Light                                                                                                                                                Steve Sharp