Preface

The following blog is pretty much an experiment in “free writing.” I’m not necessarily going to speak on a pre-meditated topic, nor do I have anything specific I want to put into print. I rather have a bunch of things that have entered my head in the past few hours.

While I drive, I sort of meditate. My mind seems to gain clarity and the inner voice(s) in my head become much louder and easier to hear. I’m not talking audibly I mean as inner voices go.

Earlier in the AM, I was driving my semi truck back from Miami, FL for work. It was “O dark thirty” and the roads were very quiet which means it allows me to really think about things. The thoughts I was having were very entertaining and I was really wishing I had a voice recorder so I would remember what the hell I was thinking about. But alas I didn’t so I’ll try my best to get back into that state of mind I was in while driving, however that is a difficult thing to do at home. I get constant interruptions.

Free writing

What is the meaning of life? Is there a purpose to our life or are we just aimlessly roaming around this earth in suits of flesh and interacting with others?

It seems to me that humans have a very hard time contemplating or comprehending the universe and it’s infinity. I think humans are stuck in a type of “linear” thinking pattern that is based in mathematical equation rather than wholeness and emotion.

The universe seems to be based on balance. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction: Light/Dark, Good/Evil, Happy/Sad etc…….

Everyone has there own version of what the universe and/or life means to them. And every person is right in their thinking I suppose. My version of reality is different from yours I’m sure but who’s version is correct? Well they both are.

The universe is also based on paradox. Some things that simply shouldn’t be are being. It seems the rule of the universe is “be or not be.” Do or do not. If we try to apply linear thinking to this we can’t fully comprehend it.

I truly feel that we have to act and do things that fit our emotional happiness. But somewhere along the line, some type of evil or hindrance has entered the equation and we has humans are stuck in a path of endless bickering and discontent because we can’t let things simply “be.”

Think about it, nowadays we are offended by anything and everything. If someone thinks something different or has a differing opinion on something, we don’t accept it. So we label the person with differing opinions some kind of word with a negative connotation to it.  For instance, if you believe in closing country borders you must be racist. If you don’t relate to someones lifestyle you must be: homophobic, islamaphobic, transphobic and all sorts of other phobic shit. And all the while, our livelihoods and peaceful living is turning more chaotic and/or evil every day.

Let’s look at Webster’s definition of the word “paradox.” A statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true. Now I took this definition out of  context in the dictionary, there are other definitions as well but this isn’t a debate on the word, it’s my interpretation of it.

With this word in mind is it possible for somebody to live miserable and unhappy but at the same time be fulfilled or at peace? It seems like the harder you try to fit into someone’s mold of what or who you should be, the more depressed you get. It’s a never ending cycle.

We try so hard to make others happy or protect them from themselves but is it really helping them? Look, I’d like to believe that I’m a jovial, happy go lucky person and that my life is filled with joy and love. But it’s pretty much the antithesis of that. I’ve had so many ups and downs in my life. Upon looking back it seems I remember so much more unhappy and sad or irritating events over the happy and joyful ones. Does this mean I’m not well and mentally ill? In my version of reality it isn’t. Some people will agree with me others won’t. But is anyone more right than the other?

It’s all about perspective. I did a long blog about perspective last year. A matter of perspective

I’m content with living on the dark side of life. I would much rather be the man behind the curtain getting things done than the wizard in front of everyone with a smoke and mirrors act. And when I accept myself for whom I am, my world is filled with peace. The minute I try to fit into someone else’s mold of who I should be is when things start going downhill.

Living on the dark side doesn’t mean evil or bad. I prefer nights. I prefer Sith over Jedi, I prefer sarcasm to slapstick. I’m fine with being like this. The moment that someone enters my life and tells me how wrong I am for feeling like I do and preferring the things I do is when hell starts breaking loose. I would have been much better off not hearing how great life could be if I did something else or thought a different way than I do.

The bottom line is, can you look at yourself in the mirror and embrace the darkness that everyone else see’s in you as bad? If you can truly be content with what you are, you’ll go a long way further in finding peace than you ever will by following someone else’s idea of Nirvana.

Wrap up

As you can see I didn’t think about what I was writing all that deeply. I was typing the words as fast as they were entering my mind. Or at least trying to keep up. The thoughts enter my mind a 100 times faster than I can type them out but hopefully you get my drift. This blog may turn out to be a work in progress, or I’ll turn around and forget about it tomorrow. Only time will tell………